Thursday, March 29, 2012

I Ain't Afraid of No Gout

There has been much talk in the news lately about our intrepid food folks' diets getting them into trouble.  From the Paula Deen diabetes drama to former dining critic Frank Bruni and his bout with gout, every day our food professionals are throwing themselves on delightful grenades laden with succulent fats and sugars for the benefit of all mankind. At Chowbacca! we're here to accept any yummy things that you'd like to send our way. We're also here to help. Who ya gonna call? "Goutbusters"? That's stupid. Leave the room. Grown ups are talking.

Anyway, we called Kaptain Kale.


CITIZENS! HEED ME! Have you all gone mad? Deaf? Mad? I have stated time and again that you must EAT KALE OR BE DESTROYED and yet you continue to believe that you can survive the all butter diet! FOOLS! Sweetbreads for breakfast? MADNESS!

DID YOU NOT SEE ME ON LENO? I SAT ON JACK BLACK!


If you replaced some of the rich food and alcohol in your diet with kale you would reap the benefits of beta carotene, lutein, and vitamins K and C! Kale is packed with zeaxanthin! You can't pronounce it, BUT YOUR BODY REQUIRES IT!


I have tried every method conceivable to get you to eat more kale! I have said it! I have sang it! I have Riverdanced it! WHEN WILL YOU HEED ME?!?




Kale is easy to prepare! I enjoy it raw with a little salt, pepper, lemon juice, chopped carrots and extra virgin olive oil. EVOO?!? YOU WERE INSTRUCTED TO LEAVE THE ROOM!!!


Citizens, you must put down your ice cream spoons and raise your kale forks in good health! Have you no respect for Wilford Brimley's valiant sacrifice when he dragged Paula Deen into the microverse?!? HAVE YOU?!?
No Diabeetus Shall Defeat Us
NOW HEED ME AS I WARN YOU ONCE AGAIN!