Saturday, March 17, 2012

Jesus, Tom



"Where's me hat?"

Let's pretend it's Sunday, shall we?

St Patrick's Day has come and gone in a shamrocky blur. Perhaps you had a few too many green beers last night. Perhaps you drank a liter of Jameson and woke up with "erin go bragh" written in permanent ink on your forehead.

And now that the sun is beginning to set on Irish History Month (note: this is actually true), get yourself a pint of Jameson's and a six pack of Killian's Red (or whatever shyte Irish import beer you wish...or you could use Maker's Mark and some good domestic beer, like we do here at Chowbacca!), and then instant download a copy of the Coen Brothers' 1990 masterpiece "Miller's Crossing" using your preferred streaming pragma and get ready to drink that St. Patrick's Day hangover away.

If you're in the neighborhood, feeling a bit "daffy," why don't you stop in for an aperitif? Here are the basic rules to the mother of all drinking games:
  • Tom drinks, you drink - beer.
  • If someone says "Jesus, Tom," you drink - whiskey.
  • If someone says "Christ, Tom," you drink a double of whiskey.
That's enough to get the average chump nice and toasty, but if you hate your liver and you want to punish it, may we suggest drinking each time:
  • First appearance of Steve Buscemi - beer.
  • First appearance of John Turturro - beer.
  • Cameo by either of the Joel or Ethan Coen - whiskey.
  • Cameo by Francis McDormand - whiskey.
  • Tom gets punched, slapped, shot or kicked - beer.
  • A major character is killed onscreen - whiskey.
  • A major character is maimed onscreen - double whiskey.
  • Sam Raimi cameo - whiskey.
  • The Shaving Lesson - beer.
  • Sir Albert Finney with a Tommy Gun - whiskey.
  • Any horse anatomy is discussed/defined - beer.
  • Sir Albert Finney in a Yarmulke - whiskey.
  • Tom looks for his hat - beer.
  • Tom loses his hat - whiskey.
Congratulations, you've just given yourself a rain check on your St Patrick's Day hangover.

We at Chowbacca! are sure you will be a joy to work with at the office on Monday, smelling like a distillery and crankier than Tom Regan without his boiler hat.
Drink responsibly! And Often!

Non-alcoholic version? Sure, for children, maybe.

Get a jug of soft cider if you want to introduce your young children to this vulgar, graphically violent, tautly paced masterpiece of Prohibition-era film-noir.

We at Chowbacca! think this is one of the finest films ever made, but don't take our word for it. Here's a small list of films and series that it has influenced: The Sopranos, The Usual Suspects, Boardwalk Empire, Justified, The Shield, The Wire, Family Guy, The Simpson, etc., etc....