Friday, June 29, 2012

Inside the Chef's Studio with Dottore Gustavo: Dottore Gustavo


Arr squintin' a ye olde blog in thar wee hours. Arr!
We at Chowbacca! thought it would be fun to take the questionnaire of James Lipton on "Inside The Actors Studio" and turn it on its ear.


Bravo, like Food TV, once had informative programs about their respective raisons d'etre (the arts, food and cooking). Now they are a jumble of noxious reality TV personalities and contest shows.


We want our Mario Batalis and Wayne Harley Brachmanns and yes, James Lipton ("for!... he is!... a sui generis!") back!


And now...the questionnaire:


What is your favorite guilty pleasure food?

Oh, I have a long list. SPAM. I secretly love spam. Canned sardines. I love Wendy's - I think it's the best fast food this side of In-n-Out. I love White Castle. Fritos. Snickers. Chichirones. I haven't set foot in a McDonald's in months but I will stab someone for a Sausage Egg McMuffin when the end comes.

What is your favorite curse word?

"C*nt". I love it, I love how it rolls off the tongue. I love hearing the various peoples of the United Kingdom call each other c*nts.


Game Of Thrones, Tyrion Lannister asks Sandor Clegane what should be done about King Joffrey, and Sandor offers: "there's no cure for being a c*nt."


Of course it's a horrible word, and someone will insist that I am a terrible person. What can I say, I'm a total c*nt.

(Runner up is f*ck in it's myriad wonderful forms.)

What is your favorite knife?

Mind you, I am not an actual chef. I don't have to work in the kitchen for 12 hours a day or more, so my opinion on knives is strictly geared toward the home cook.

I'm a Wüsthof man for life. My good buddy is a Henckels man. I like the classic weighted black grip, he prefers the lightweight ergonomic grip. I've used Globals and they are a joy to work with but they are very expensive. Both my parents have MAC Santokus that I bought them so I that I would have at least one good knife when I come to visit and cook.

My favorite single knife...that's hard, it's like picking your favorite child (especially since I have none). The three knives I use most often are my 8" chef's, 5.5" sandwich and 7" santoku, all Wüsthof.

Which sports franchise would you prefer to win their respective championship game? Against which other sports franchise?

Any Cleveland team.

I don't care for the NFL at all - I think its a senseless, brutal, slow, boring game. But I would love to see the Browns best either the Ravens or the Broncos (eff John Elway!).

Certainly, any time the Cavaliers beat the Heat, I grin ear to ear at the schädenfründe. I would love to see a Cavaliers championship.

But my team will always be the...uh, oh this is embarrassing. What are they called again? The Cleveland Spiders? No? They are telling me they changed the name to the Indians. Tsk.

"The Tribe" is the team I'd most like to see win the World Series. And against the Dodgers or Red Sox or even my beloved San Francisco Giants. Yes, in a competition between San Francisco and Cleveland, I will always root for Cleveland.

What would be your last meal?

The best sushi in the world, paired with beer and wine and cocktails from around the world. The meal would last 24 hours with breaks for "constitutional" walks and deep tissue massage.

If you weren't a chef, what would you want to do?

I am a sysadmin.

What profession would you not want to do?

Sysadmin.

What's your preferred hot sauce?

Each application requires a different hot sauce. Sambal for Thai fish soup, Sriracha for ... a great many things. Tapatío for chilequiles and nachos. Tabasco Chipotlé is great on burgers. Dave's Insanity for hot wings. Satan's Blood for when you want to hurt your friends.

If Hell exists, what food does the devil force chefs to cook for eternity?

I wouldn't say there is anything I absolutely hate to eat, but being a pastry chef for eternity would probably be tortuous.

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Dottore Gustavo - Twitter: @DottoreGus