Saturday, October 20, 2012

Fast Food Pornography

"Everybody needs a little."
It's Hot n' Now time at the Huddle House with lots of Steak n' Shake between the Sheetz. Sneaky Pete's the Smoothie King as his Hot Dog on a Stick plays Jack-In-The-Box with Wendy's Mighty Taco. He's working the Weinershnitzel just for her. He really rings her Taco Bell. "Taco Time," is Wendy's cry as she gives Pete the old California Tortilla.

In the next room over some ladies are admiring Blake's Lotaburger. It's more than a "lota", the ladies discover. It's more than a Burgerstreet he's unleashed from his tight jeans. It's a Burgerville. It's a Fatburger. "Whataburger," the ladies cry, "Great Steak, Blake!" He's a Big Boy alright; a Burger King. The ladies are ready for some In-N-Out Burger. Blake is ready too. 


Down the hall, Five Guys on The Varsity are Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers for a Golden Chick called Duchess. She's the Chicken Express and she's set and ready to be a Dick's Drive-In. "Who's first?" She asks. Blimpie steps back from the five pack. "Cluck-U Chicken," the others chide Blimpie, "this is the Huddle House, not Harold's Chicken Shack!" While Blimpie blushes, Johnny Rockets to the Duchess. Then Juan Pollo steps up and shows her El Pollo Loco. Nathan's Famous "Dog-n-Suds" makes him Mr. Hero with the guys, but of the five Amigos Ms. Duchess likes Woody's Chicago Style best. He really licked her Honey Dew Donuts and even tossed her Saladworks.

Meanwhile, Spangles Schlotzky's being a real Hogi Yogi for Lenny's Sub after making the Subway for his Pal's grinder. Lenny's is even bigger than Larry's Giant or Jersey Mike's. Spangles likes it when the guys hide Long John Silver's treasure in her pleasure Submarina. Yessir, she's a real Port of Subs.

It's Hot n Now time, ladies and gentlemen, and IHOP, YOUHOP, we all hop at the Huddle House. It's no White Castle, but it's a Happi House. Lose The Hat and stay a while, won't you?