Still Another Indecent Proposal
Returning to Chowbacca is guest blogger H. Upton Mutton, former senator (D) from Iowa, U.S. Special Envoy to Hormel.
Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening, and what the hell are you still doing up, Internet Community? We stand together today on the verge of another great stab at democracy. Soon we will gather at the polls and decide whether to elect a ghoulish, flesh-hungry hell-beast or to give that other guy another crack at it. I believe that you all know where Upton Mutton stands: Hell-Beast All the Way!
The demand for human flesh is out there, but the supply is sometimes wily and difficult to trap or too heavy to drag to the trunk before the police arrive. And that "one thump to the head knockout move" that you see in movies is a pile of
fopdoodle. Unless you give them five or six good whacks they just end up holding their dented heads, wobbling about and bleeding all over my furniture. It's barbaric. What's a fine young cannibal to do, if you're hip to my jive?
Well, the man who sold the world to Monsanto has a plan and I'm here to tell you that his plan is every bit as good as his plan to keep me from ever paying a nickel in taxes again. I endorse his plan like I'd endorse my own mother if I hadn't traded her for Cola stock decades ago. She baked a nice rhubarb pie as I recall.
What is Rrrromney's plan, you ask? Well, why do you think he doesn't care about 47% of the population? How could he just turn his back on 47% of the fattened, juicy population? Ask yourself how much you care about the cow that is growing your next ribeye right now. Would you give that cow a second mortgage? Hm?
When you go to the polls remember to cast that vote for our first zombie president,
And remember: "People Who Eat People Are the Luckiest People Because People are Often Difficult to Catch."