Osterize It!

Over the years I've seen friends and family go out and burn a fortune on fad juicers and blenders. Vitamix. NutriBullet. Jack LaLanne's Combination Juicer and Brazilian Butt Lifter. What's in a name? Well, if you need to be told what to use a blender for I suppose that there's plenty in a name. Me? I make my health drinks with the durable, versatile workhorse of the kitchen, the Osterizer.

Why a blender over a juicer? Juicers remove all of the essential fiber from your fruits and vegetables, leaving only the sugar, and are a pain in the arse to clean. I've watched them go from miracle machine to doorstop in my friends homes again and again. And, while fiber may seem "yucky" and removing the seeds may be "inconvenient", the easy way isn't always the right way. I'm sure that there are people out there juicing and taking fiber supplements. Insert facepalm here.

I remember being in a drug store recently and the owner was asked for a specific brand of fiber supplement because the one on the shelf "didn't taste good". "Lady," he told her, "eat some fruit!" Seriously, does everything have to taste like a sugary soda?

Why Oster? Oster has been engineering and building these fine blenders since 1946, they cost $50 to $100 and they last forever with proper care. In this age of planned obsolescence what price would you put on the blender they'll be making frozen daiquiris with at your wake? Oster blenders are also a snap to clean. Veggie-Come-Lately blenders like Vitamix cost $300 to $700 and aren't as versatile as the Oster and, again, usually end up gathering dust like those fad workout machines people hang their clothes on.

So, if you still need a catchy name from the marketing department to use a blender remember that Osterizing is the Norwegian method of firming abs and buns. So, get out there, feel the burn and "Osterize It". If, however, you need to spend more than $100 on a blender to feel healthy, just put the balance in cash into the Osterizer and "Osterize It" too. How does that burn feel?

Don't be a chump. Get an Osterizer and recycle that other junk.


  1. Nutri-Bullet update - the f*cking thing is already busted. No response from "customer service." We'll let them find out what happens to people who cross bloggers, eh? ;)


Post a Comment

Popular Posts